Mass Effect: The Price of Victory
by Defiant-Candle
Summary: Rated serious T for language, violence and sex references. Zach Shepard is mortally wounded saving his crew in the Collector base assault. One-shot with all the gang as they fight to save their commander's life. Shepard/Tali, Jacob/Kasumi, Miranda/Jack.


The Price of Victory

_Screams, howlings of the damned tear through the air like bullets as they chase the saviours, baying for their blood. The shadow God curses the light and swears vengeance as it takes the form of one of its servants. White venom, hails of plasma, a tidal wave of death pursues our heroes. He shouts to the biotic and the quarian to keep running, "don't stop, just go!" They fire powers, sapphire energy from the tattooed convict and a drone charges into the midst, slaying many demons. Buying time, a frantic, futile game- "No." I tell myself- Shepard will make it. Tali hangs back beckoning him erratically. Jack pulls her along, she yells in protest. Shepard, the guardian turns and attacks the seething mass with gunfire. The crippled pilot opens the airlock, carrying courage and an assault rifle, he fells more fiends and reaches out to Jack and Tali. I help pull them on and Tali yells for Shepard. He charges towards the ship, as the decaying buildings shatters the path before, denying him life. He runs still, defiant. He jumps and time stops, heart fire propelling him along and he makes it, grabbing the bottom of the airlock. _

_He reaches up- then the ship is struck with missiles and Tali slips, the abyss howling triumphantly. But Shepard defies it, reaching out and grabbing her wrist. Pulling her up, seconds tick by and Joker urges us to hurry as the staccato percussion of bullets rein closer. We pull her up and Shepard climbs up, flinching from plasma strikes and shrapnel, but living. It is not enough to see him live. He must, suffer, suffer the burden of victory. He rests his hand on the side of the wall. A sharp crack, tempered with thunder, piercing ears and then screams as Shepard's right arm explodes from the elbow down, blood and fire briefly enveloping his right falls back into arms, Tali screaming her anguish, her anger wrought upon the others as she pushes us out the way screaming for his name, trying to nurse him in an embrace as he chokes on blood and gasps, fading. The work of a sniper. I give witness to Harbingers servant, holding a tempered extension of his twisted arm, brimming with the ashes and embers of hate. The door closes and Joker runs to his seat as Shepard convulses violently, the deck glistening in blood and burn marks. _

_The ship soars away, as the Collector base's heart incinerates, and a new sun in the core of the galaxy is born. Yet elation is bitter, as we watch Shepards weakened, sighing body be lifted to the med bay, Tali clinging to him for dear life, renewing her love vows. A weak scream, elevator doors close and he is severed from my sight, the hope for his life dim, darkening with the distant space as we shoot away from existence, devastation in our wake._

I return to the day and Samara is holding my shoulder. Jaw muscles clench, yet no words can express it. Her touch is enough to soothe the force of what will be a dark memory for all. She sits at the table and holds my hand, and we are enveloped in blue light.

Thank you Samara.

* * *

"Shepard?"

I awaken, light envelops me, awareness, memory – old words flash through my head- foxholes and atheists- Am I dead and ere I have reached the end? Am I in heaven - no, I am not dead, for my angel sits by my side, her caressing hands kissing my scarred face.

Tali.

The body yearns and I breathe again, feeling disconnected in some way. Shrouded in love, a comfort blessed by devotion, I muster all and stare at the bloody stump that is my right arm.

"It's really gone isn't it?"

She kneels and nuzzles my face with hers- risking life to love me by removing her mask and warm flesh is christened with her sweet tears.

Don't cry, Tali.

Please, don't cry.

Her pearl eyes yield more, and I comfort her with my one arm. I'm alive and I don't care, as long as I am with you.

"How will they"- sobs racking her choir, voice massages my heart but I ignore it and focus on her shattered heart- "How are they going to- Chakwas?" A reach for assurance and the doctor answers something about Mordin, and the whole tech crew are working on something now as we speak. A draining pain writhes in me and I grit my teeth, trying to protect Tali from my torments as much as I can, but she sees and the thorns of love sink deeper into her heart. Yet she takes it gladly as she bends and kisses my face, lips, eyelashes grace my eyes and I return her love.

I grow weak but my body strengthens me one more time to tell her-"I love you, so much. So glad I never lost you."

We are one as our bodies hold to each other, and I am redeemed, my penance for failure softens and I kiss her one more time before drifting to timeless darkness, the riddling dreams calling my wounded mind.

* * *

A new arm? Synthetic? Cybernetic? Cloned? Unanimous, we have to clone it. Ceberus have done it before with much beneficial results. Yet human DNA incompatible with Shepards, what to use what to do? Krogan? Grunt more than willing to help- no stranger to syringes after all- Jacob and Joker, whole male human staff offer blood to sustain cloned arm . Blood types, though- hope to find wo's blood is suitable for Shepards- perhaps consider synthetics- use material of dormant geth in A.I. Core - no may react aggressively, possibility of waking up during extraction- will have to wake it up- shepard unable to wake it up- only crew member it is familiar with. Must be patient- Ask Tali- no, morning war too sensitive, yet she might be able to ignore personal feelings to aid Shepard's survival- emotions and behaviours indicate such. Will do anything for love.

-inhales from nose-

So many factors, so little time…

* * *

I can't laugh.

The humour is dead.

"Are you well, Jeff?"

EDI offers counselling, her voice generating enough emotion to make sound concerned. Genuine Sentimentality.

_Snort_ My old wife.

"Its ok EDI."

But its obviously not

But her voice is insistent, yet concerning

Trauma and grief are one hell of a combination when it comes to bonding

God.

I think I'm in love with EDI.

And for the first time since something weird or fucked up happened in my life since I signed on to both Normandy's as pilot, I really don't care.

I just can't care.

I can't laugh

* * *

Shift power to storage node, wait for excess heat to build up, dispense it, recycle waste energy it to phase 1 node, direct power from storage node to gun firing chamber, check gauge capacity, cooling rods inserted into cannon core to prevent it from overloading or heating, check calibre to ensure minimal heat buildup, press battery flow to divide power into the six tubes. 3 making up each barrel of the Javelin, two barrels able to cooldown in seconds after-

After –

"FUCK!"

I don't want to want to fucking calibrate as I smash my fist into the console, shutting the orange display down and replacing it with a hard metal surface. I hammer down on it until I bleed. I curse in human and turian dialect until my mandibles's muscles burn from fatique. I slump defeated against my workstation as crew people rush in, their words strange and alien because I don't want to be fucking 'comforted'. Just, all of you- I want to say yet moan uselessly and weep as they lift me to my feet and place me on my crate seat- leave me the fuck alone

I want to think it's my fault for Shepard's wounds. I want to take the pain. I don't want anyone else to suffer. I want to be the one who was responsible for not watching Shepard's back. I want to be the one who takes the blame, the hate, the grief for Shepard's loss.

Because, after so many screw-ups, it appears to be the only thing I'm good at.

Screwing up.

Failing C-Sec

Failing Vigilantism

Failing my team on Omega

Failing my father

Failing Kelly- I can't face her

And now failing Shepard

Garrus fucking failure Vakkarian

Leave me alone.

* * *

Two days after the mission. Shepard is still in critical condition. He's fighting. Fighting hard. Too tough to die. I stop thinking and shush Kasumi as she weeps silently.

As I cradle Kasumi in my arms, kissing her shivers away, I bow my head and try to ignore the scenario building in my head. Of me cursing, screaming at the Illusive Man. Wanting to reach out and strangle him and see his smug face squeal like a pyjak in a varren's jaws, see his eyes bulge out like the fucking bug that he is, always watching, silenty sneering. The piece of shit asshole.

I shake it away as I hold Kasumi closer to me and whisper that Shepard will be alright. She lifts her face to mine and we kiss.

" It will be ok."

She whispers back-" I know."

"-I just-"

"I know," stopping her. Not intently to stop her talking. I've always loved her seductive cool voice basking in my ears, her dark eyes gazing like star diamonds into mine.

Her haiku to me- that Shepard found in the Shadow Broker's dossier database and then decided to 'accidentally' drop it on my desk- Shepard was good but he was no infiltrator, since the security cameras hidden in key vantage points of the armoury were always running- was also something. Unexpected. But when I confronted her, she turned a shade of cute pink, a dead giveaway that it was her who wrote the love poem.

There were two dinners, than a lot of talks. Than less talks. And more 'lunch breaks'

The rest, and I smile inside. Damn.

The prize was always worth the risk.

I rub a hard palm through her short straight hair and tell her my feelings. We hug in the dim light, faces blank and scarred with tears, yet minds so alive, crying and full.

I tell her that we didn't bring Shepard back from the dead just to be killed again and his second death wouldn't look good on our C.V per report to the Illusive man. She chuckles softly. Still has a sense of humour in times like this

God I love this woman.

I close my eyes and lose myself in her embrace.

* * *

Days pass, and things are quiet. I like it, yet I miss those engineers. Annoying as they were, the bearded one told some pretty funny jokes. They're back now, at their stations. Not that I took any notice, except, maybe when they gave me treats from the chef upstairs. I sort of like them now.

Damn! There was that groaning again.

I hate losing count during press-ups . It's annoying as hell.

Not that I counted much, but the clock had chimed about 300 times since I started exercising. I think that's enough. I roll over to do sit-ups.

I look at my arms and armour. Brilliant scars. Chief Urdnot Wrex will be pleased. I think of the female camp and smile. Now I get two breeding requests! Take that Shep-

I stopped and curse myself for nearly doing something stupid. Insulting my battlemaster. Stupid Krogan.

The tank tells me that human's don't regenerate like krogan or vorcha. If humans could not do that than how do they still think themselves superior. Shepard was the only decent human- he never pretended to be a god or a proper battlemaster either.

He, was a

-What was the word- nice but not lord, kind but not tame- no, something else- talking- socialising- friendly-

That was it. Shepard was a friend.

An honourable one at that too, to raise a puny tank-bred to the peak of strength. He gave me great enemies to fight and big guns to kill them with. He should have known that when Urdnot Wrex greeted him with his handshake, gripping him like he was about to pull off his arm, but shook it like it was a useless gun. a 'Handshake'

I am still young and learning from the tank when it comes to this 'socialising'. I had no patience for it at first, since it didn't teach me how to kill things.

But later it helped me kill things, with others.

And now Shepard lies dying in a cot, helpless and shamed by his wounds. I hope the void still hates him.

I finish my sit-ups and pound my fists together, feeling my pureblood strength rush through me. I decided that I would go to the hangar and try to lift the shuttle without dropping it this time. With one hand.

It was a worthy goal to pursue, and I laughed to myself, but then I also made a note to consult the tank on this socialising and friendship that the other aliens consider important. Pass some time to stop me thinking about my wounded krantt. Shit. I'm thinking about it again. And it's starting to piss me off. I storm out of the port cargo and towards the elevator

"Grunt, are you going to the hangar and try and lift up that shuttle again?"

"Yes." I answer, annoyed and not in a mood to talk as I stomp past the engineers Kenneth and Gabby, standing next to the elevator.

"Grunt please, think about the damage you did to it the last time you tried it-"

"I will lift anything that is a worthy weight, shuttle, thresher maw or reaper crap – I don't care!"

"But-"

"Kenneth"- Gabby stops him- "it's probably his way of well, you know coping, with what's happened."

"Ah, right."- he finishes-" well, just try not to drop it so hard this time."- he talks in his weird voice- accent- "and not make so much noise, if you can, well help it."

I grunted- I hated males who were dominated by their female counterparts. Even with female Krogans being stronger, bigger, scarier and more aggressive that male Krogan, males must assert themselves every now and then to maintain attractiveness.

I was about to step into the elevator when I heard, something strange. I turned my ear to it- it sounded like, female humans. Grunting. Some movement and I see the engineers standing, look down like there was pretty vermin on the floor.

"-What is that?"

"-What is what?"- Kenneth spouts, and I want to punch him for being stupid

"You hear it too- what is that?"

The two humans stutter and gabble like idiots and I go to one of the doors that lead to engineering. Red symbol. Locked. I look at Gabby and Kenneth. Gabby was stroking her hairless neck, while Kenneth's eyes were chasing a fly.

"What is going on down there!" . I yell and the engineers, rush towards me, making that hissing sound that a pipe makes when cracked-

"SSSSHHHHHHH- not so loud Grunt or you'll get us killed!"

I look at the door and step back, ready to charge it down, ignoring the noise that the two humans next to me try to stab into my head. If what the engineers say is true , then the grunting females down below were enemies that needed crushing. I breathe in to yell my battle-cry –" I AM KRO-mmmpph!-"

* * *

I help Gabby shove the meatloaf into Grunt's mouth, nearly losing my bloody hand in the process. Gurnt immediately forgets what he's doing and starts munching the large butchered special that Gardner whipped up especially for Grunt as a treat for breaking him out of his pod and saving him from the Collectors. It's hard to tell what he's saying with that big red hunk of meat in his mouth, but the sounds he is making as he munches his 'delicacy' sound pretty content

'You go on down to the hangar bay and lift as many shuttles as you like now Grunt alright?'

"Yes !Mrmmph! I thank you very- Nom- much for this generous gift!- You can go kill the groaning enemies downstairs- Nom Nom Yes- Nom- lift shuttles, crush enemies later- Nom Nom No-!" Grunt stomps into the elevator and continues to eat.

The elevator doors seal off Grunt's obnoxious chewing. We breathe a sigh of relief.

"Phew! One less crisis."

"Where would the Normandy be without us?"- Gabby asks

"I was thinking actually about where it should be with us. There are some brilliant beaches on Illium that we could go to if you know where to look."

Gabby smiles sweetly- "Hmm, I don't know, maybe later, this month, besides, I'm not sure Thane or Samara would want to come back there anyway. At least not now I think. We owe the commander that much."

"Yeah." – A pause to think of smothering coffins-" And to think, …..we wouldn't be standing here, talking now, if the commander didn't get to us in time."

"Hmm."

"You doing alright?"

"Huh, oh yeah, hard to get out of my head. I'm little shaky an I'll probably have nightmares for a couple more months-so, sorry if I end up waking you during R&R."

Bless her, lass, considerate and always nervous about the crew.

"Ok," I say. There is a pause, almost silent if it weren't for the commotion down below.

"Maybe you should do something to, try and take your mind off it. Do you, want to grab a vid sometime maybe?"

"I don't know- "she looks at me-" what do you have in mind?"

"Fleet and Flotilla? Vaena." - spills out my mouth. A random guess, before I realised what suggestions and implications I had let loose by suggesting romantic movies.

"Ha! Ken! – well I'll have to see if Kelly or Annie are in the mood to watch it, maybe Sergeant Gardner-"

"Actually, urm, I was thinking maybe we shouldn't pester the crew about it, I mean, with chick flicks and nothing too funny or serious and you know, like last time we should just go to our quarters and just watch."- I stop blathering and look at Gabby, whose eyes were intently piercing mine. She had a thing of getting me into a sweat without even trying.

"Kenneth." She says

"Ur, yeah?"

"If you wanted to ask me out, you could have just said so."

"No I, just didn't want to make it weird"- she stands on her tippy toes and plants one on my cheek. I go red and she giggles.

I rub my neck –" so er, what do you think?"

"I think you should shave- I swear, just now, when I was kissing you it was like snogging a thorn bush-"

"No No, er not that – them-" I point down stairs

"They told us to keep our mouths shut and that's what we're going to do."

"Yeah, probably let things run their course first. Last thing we or they need is us gossiping."

"Yeah."

A pause

"You're thinking about them right now aren't you?" Gabby interrogates.

I lift an eyebrow- "Well due to the noise that they're both making, it is hard enough not imagine what they are-"

"Kenneth!"- she shouts angrily but playfully.

"What? Miranda the perfect woman and Jack the half-naked tattoed babe- I've got a feeling they'll be keeping me up for months on end. If you know what I mean."- SMACK!- her fist hits my chest and I wince painfully, barely smiling.

"Such a dog- If anything, the only thing that'll be keeping you up at nights from now on might as well be me, and only me, from this point forward."

I grin like a schoolboy-" I think I can live with that- We hold each other's hands and lean in for another kiss…"

**CRASH!...**followed by a muffled "shit."

We race to the observation window of the hangar, gaping in shock at a very sheepish looking Grunt who was trying to shuffle towards the elevator, avoiding eye contact and ignoring the devastation he had caused.

"GRUNT!"

* * *

"In the heart of the Normandy, life's drama plays, unfazed by wounds inflicted or love being given. It plays on, tuned to nothing, yet scored rigorously. Crew members give thanks to their life. They hug, kiss, they make love, they comfort, they hold one another in words and embraces.

We mourn for our captain, hero of life, guardian of hope and yearn, desperately to see his smile again-"

I stop writing, then screw up the paper throw to the wall. –" I ain't got time for this bollocks!- I wanna get pissed."

Standing up, the chair grating across the floor like a bitch.

yet part of me feels bad for wanting to forget Shepard's wounds. Shit.

I flop down to the chair and stare at Jessie

"I don't know what to do Jessie."- she says nothing, waiting for me to finish.

"I owe him a lot, even if he didn't let me kill Santiago. I shouldn't just take off while things are in the shit."

I look at her. Blinking

"-Of course he'll make it. I got shot in the face at point blank range and I survived."

She sits anxiously, pausing.

"-I know, I know, there's a lot more blood in the arm than in the face I know. Don't give me the details, Jesus. It's hard enough just not thinkin about it."

Silence. I stand up and walk to Jessie.- "Damn, I wish you were a woman. I'd be at you day and night non-stop. It'll be fun- see if we can make more noise than all the other bunnies on this ship."

"Sigh- But I can't. Not now with Shepard dying."

"-Damn it he's not dying- why am I sayin that. He'll make it. I know he will. That Quarian girl? Too sweet to have 'er 'eart broken. Things won't be the same without our silver knight."

Shit

I'm getting emotional.

Am, Am I cryin?

Goddamn tears

Goddamn baby- I go to my desk, picking up the ruined paper as I do so and carry on writing

Our Silver knight, emblazoned with blue, symbolically-

I stop.

"You know, I should sell this."

"Yeah, sell this and be famous- buy myself a building on Illium, get some hot asari for the house –warming."- I chuckle-

I look at Jessie-" I could get you fixed Jessie. Clean you up and get you working again- Then I'll freelance and go killing with you on Omega again."

"Yeah, that'll be my blaze of glory- side by side with Jessie, killing scum to the beat of our own gunfire drum. Maybe I'll go hunting Santiago again. I'll find him and kill him, laughing whether I succeed or die in the attempt."

"I wonder if that Aria's got some jobs for me?"

I chuckle again and carry on writing.

* * *

"Shepard Commander lives"- we inform the network, our report sending recorded video, audio and image capture evidence to verify our statement

It inquires how events have transpired since we have last reported

We answer that Creator Tali-Zorah vas Normandy and Salarian Professor Mordin Solus with Cerberus A.I. EDI reactivated this platform, requesting our assistance in a grave matter. We were willing to comply as Shepard-Commander is necessary to ensure the survival of all organic and non-organic races. Tensions between the Creator and this platform were high initially but as we transferred all non-essential parts to aid nano-construction of Shepard-Commander's new arm, her threat level gradually reduced.

"The operation was risky, so we volunteered to assist the installation of Shepard-Commander's new arm. The arm is a mixture of synthetic flesh and cloned biological construction, as Shepard-Commander insisted that his arm would not be like false prophet Saren's. Similarities between original arm and new arm are uncanny- only close inspection will reveal to any one any differences. Functionality of arm proved efficient within two hours of procedure. Shepard Commander is returned to normal health. We have begun self-repairs and now promptly await the exchange of data between ourselves and Shepard-Commander, although recently observed interaction between Creator Tali'zorah and Shepard-Commander have indicated that this will not occur for some time."

"Verify."- the network demands.

We shift patiently and continue

"We assume that Shepard-Commander and Creator Tali Zorah are currently engaged in sexual activities. They are in human organic terms 'madly in love' and have proved to be inseparable. We do not wish to interrupt their courtship behaviour. "

"Acknowledged."- the network replies

"It is inevitable that Creator Tali Zorah and Shepard will reach the stage that they wish to celebrate and maintain their relationship. We wish to offer advice about Creator courting, bonding and wedding procedures to Shepard-Commander, in order to facilitate unit cohesion and ensure welfare and happiness of Creator Tali Zorah and crew. We hope to do this after Shepard aids us in dealing with the Heretics. Patience is key. "

"Acknowledged- assuming the plan succeeds, ensure that unit engages in the dance named in organic terms, 'the robot' in the event of victory, ideally in matrimonial ceremony- optional task, observe received files to determine which event is ideal to do so." Requests the network.

We acknowledge and respond –"We understand, and anticipate the day we and Creators return to peace. The heretic's Gods will not succeed. The Fathers, Brothers and servants of Nazara shall fall and the universe will be stabilised again." – we speak to the network

….

"Keelah Se'Lai, Legion." – the network bids us farewell acknowledging our individuality as well as the many programs residing within this platform

"Keelah Se'Lai ." we reply, our flaps widening to show the human organic emotion of happiness.

"Keelah Se'Lai."

End

* * *

**A/N: This is my very first Mass Effect FanFic Story, now edited and cleaned up. I hope you liked it very much :)**

**Ok, so there are parts in there that are childish with the comedy for instance- I don't care- its how I like it. Adventure, Action, An emotionally charged story with a bit of crude humour to me in something like Mass Effect 2 is worth writing.**

**For those of you who haven't read my stories before- Welcome to the Zachary Shepard Mass Effect Universe! Yes that's right- this is a self-insert Shepard.**

**Zachary Shepard. Paragon Spacer War Hero Soldier, with a bit of Renegade. "Paragonade"**

**Personality:Think of him as a mixture of Thane/Joker/Jacob/Grunt/Kaidan. One of the ultimate Paragons. Passionate, a little eccentric, a little socially awkward. Slightly tormented. Born the brunt of psychological harm due to impromptu resurrection at the hands of Cerberus and Prothean Visions as well as experience on the front lines. Raised by parents to be diplomatic, honest. Self-trained to be virtuous. Brave, heroic. Intense Willpower and strength. Has some hurts in the past from Skyllian Blitz. Tends to lapse in eidetic memory like Thane, only not as thorough. Poetic, may appear soft. Passive-aggressive. More akin to a hormonal teenage virgin than a 29 year old Lieutenant Commander. May make him slightly younger in age as part of self-insert.**

**Romanced Tali'Zorah Nar'Rayya vas Neema Vas Normandy- Basically a crush situation from ME1 to ME2- awkward and fluffy romance. With a quite a bit of intimacy.**

**Spared the Rachni on Noveria. Saved civillians on Feros. Negotiated with Wrex. Sacrificed Kaidan. Persuaded Saren to fight Reaper Indoctrination (Killed himself as result), Saved Council. Romanced NO-ONE else in the first Mass Effect. **

**Reapers hate his guts- bit of a cartoon situation here- bad guys plots good guys fall yet fails continuously- Harbinger and Sovereign made more like Skeletor or Voldemort than evil ancient machines bent on commiting annual genocide rounds on the universe.**

**I even went so far as to make a renegade version of Shepard as well.**

**Renegade Vanguard War Hero. Grey in morality terms. "Rengadon"**

**Personality- roughly the opposite- think Saren, Darth Vader, Angellus and Spike (from Buffy), Zaeed, evil Atton (Kotor)**

**Likes to overkill with his shotgun and force-choke using Biotics. Think a toned down version of evil Starkiller. With Guns.**

**Bitter, resentful, dark. Psychotic, tormented- again, the opposite of good Zach Shepard.**

**Except that he secretly loves Tali. And she secretly loves him too.**

**You can read about Evil Zach Shepard in Dark Reflections I and II**

**The Rest of the Stories are devoted to Paragon Shepard. Return, A Weakness, Rescue at Haestrom, Velvet, Dawn of Hope and this are all about Paragon Zach Shepard.**

**They're not perfect stories and may have a few grammar errors- my writng isn't perfect.**

**Expect them to be poetic, a little mystic, romantic, dark and maybe a little funny!**

**Also these other stories are all rated M. Read at your own warning!**

**Enjoy, review and favourite!**

**Defiant Candle signing out.**


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